I recently asked the world to ask me anything about my faith, with the added benefit of doing it anonymously. I promised I would post my answers here. So here are my answers to the first 3 questions. (You can still ask me anything anonymously here.)
What makes you believe?
Why do you believe in god?
Do you have days where you doubt your faith?
What makes you believe? And why do you believe in god?
These are really good, foundational questions! I believe in something greater because I can’t believe that everything exists by accident. There are too many coincidences for life on earth to have flourished in the way it has for a greater being not to be involved.
My personal belief in the Christian God, however, has a pin-pointed moment. It happened back in 2009. I had just started my 2nd year of university and was starting to feel disillusioned with my life choices. I wasn’t enjoying my course and I was feeling homesick. I got on really well with one of my housemates but not so well with the other and I was starting to consider dropping out of university.
I was sat on my bed thinking about the overwhelming feelings I had when I was overwhelmed by a feeling of absolute peace, and I felt entirely reassured. I hadn’t felt that way either for a very long time, or perhaps even ever. So, I tried to Google it, but struggled how to word my search. Eventually my searches unearthed other people’s testimonies about God and I searched ‘who is God?’. I found the Christianity Explored website and there was an option to enter my details and a local church would respond. I entered my email address and postcode and figured that no one would reply, and if they did, I’d ignore them if I wanted to.
Someone did reply – a man named Dennis Hawkes from a church which was a 5-minute walk away. He told me the course was just ending but I’d be welcome to come along on a Sunday. No way was I doing that, so I politely said hell no and got on with my life. Which was a continued disappointment and I found myself craving that feeling of peace again. So, I took up Dennis’ offer. He said he’d wait for me by the front door so I didn’t feel overwhelmed. He said tea and coffee was available half an hour before the service and he’d wait for me until I arrived. I was terrified and arrived 5 minutes before the service – and Dennis had stood there waiting for 25 minutes! He was a retired lecturer from my university and he introduced me to a few other students. He and his wife invited me to their house for Sunday lunch after the service and as a poor and hungry student, I leapt on the offer.
The service was very similar to my experience at school assemblies, and it really helped with my homesickness. The home cooked meal afterwards added to that. So, I returned the following week, and the week after, and so on. It was in this familiarity, fellowship, and newfound friendship that I found God. I went through the Christianity Explored course a few times before I came to that realisation, but that’s essentially why I believe in God.
Why do I continue to believe though? That’s a tougher question. I continue to believe that Jesus was a real person and that he was both human and deity at the same time. If I stopped believing that, then my faith would change, but as long as I continue to believe in Jesus and His identity, then I feel other questions and revelations cannot shake my faith. How I live out my faith changes. Since leaving Cardiff, I attended Hillsong Church for a while, but left there, and have not found another church – but I still believe in Jesus, read the bible, and pray (not very consistently, and these days I read the bible in Ancient Greek rather than English!)
I guess this leads me to another question I’ve been asked…
Do you have days where you doubt your faith?
Yes.
I guess you’re looking for a longer answer than that! When I had my accident at work, it was 3 years after I was baptised. Not only was I smashed against a wall, but my faith was too (metaphorically of course!). My faith had already been tested when a close friend from church had turned out to be no friend at all, so when I was then physically injured and started to have panic attacks at just the idea of leaving my flat, my world closed down entirely.
I missed a lot because of that accident – my sister preparing to get married was the biggest. I didn’t get to go dress shopping with her or help her prepare in any way. I was in too much pain to travel even if I didn’t have panic attacks regularly. At her wedding I was struggling to control my mental health issues. Through all of that I couldn’t understand why a loving God would let this happen to me – I believed in Him, so what more did he want from me?
Bad stuff is constantly happening around the world to people who know and love God, and to innocent people who don’t, and this starts down a really slippery moral slope… if God is so powerful and awesome and loving, why is living in this world so shit most of the time? Honest answer: I don’t know. I think it’s maybe to do with living in a fallen world and the implications of free will (and how we have abused it) – but I think that’s a cop out of an answer. As I said before, the keystone of my faith is my belief in who Jesus is, and so far – that has been unshaken.
In saying that though, I do occasionally wonder if my faith is misplaced, what the consequences would be. It’s usually a few seconds and then I continue with my life as is. There is no evidence to the contrary to make me change my belief or life, so I will continue to believe until I die or my faith in who Jesus is is undermined.
I hope these answers are somewhat what you were hoping for when you asked these questions - if not, please follow up with specific, targeted questions. The app I use doesn't require you to log in or give any information, you just type your question into a freetype box. Every question is anonymous, so I don't know who asks any of these questions. The link is on my Facebook page and my Instagram so you don't have to know me to ask a question.
If you're looking to find out who God and Jesus is for yourself, I would recommend finding a Christianity Explored course or Alpha course close to you. Alternatively, you could read The Case for Christ (a book by an investigative journalist investigating the case for Jesus), or books like Answers to your Bible Questions. Or you can slide into my DMs on Instagram or Facebook!
I already have a couple more questions to blog about when I can - but please ask me more questions. Ask really tricky specific ones, or ask open ones like these. My particular areas of interest are around sexuality and gender, but I have a whole university library at my fingertips so I will do my best to answer any and all faith based questions you have!
Ask Amy Anything Anonymously here.