I was going to start this blog post with the line 'I had a dream' but felt that my content wasn't up to Martin Luther King Jr or ABBA standards, so felt I had better abandon that idea. I thought maybe if I made that joke it might set your expectations at a more reasonable standard. I did have a dream, and it is the inspiration point for this blog, I just wanted to manage your expectations accordingly.
You know when you do an everyday thing and it suddenly triggers a dream you had, or a portion of a dream? Well, that happened to me on the way home from the dentist the other day. My dreams are nothing like Martin Luther King Jr's - he had amazing visions for the future, I dream about normal and ordinary things. This dream was no exception,
I glanced down at the petrol gauge in my dad's car to see if it needed fuel. Since last March I think I've bought fuel twice, but it's a habit after breaking down at least twice in my youth after I forgot to put petrol in the car. I learnt the hard way that you look/feel like an idiot in those circumstances. So now my eye naturally flicks to the petrol gauge on every journey I take.
I suddenly remember a tiny portion of a dream where I was filling up my dad's car at a petrol garage I didn't recognise and I was driving away when I panicked. Had I put petrol or diesel in it? Was it a petrol or diesel car? And the bottom falling out of my stomach as I realised I didn't know what I'd put in the car and I didn't know what I was supposed to.
Such a weirdly specific dream, right? And such a normal thing - driving someone else's car, going to fill up on fuel and checking what you're supposed to put in and making sure you pick the right pump. And for those overthinkers like myself, having a spasm of panic afterwards when you think you might have done the wrong one despite checking at least 3 times.
I told you - if Martin Luther King Jr had dreams like mine, the civil rights movement would look a whole lot differnent.
I laughed to myself in the car on the 5 minute drive home from the dentist, but also was secretly relieved to spot that my dad's car still had half a tank of fuel, so I wouldn't have to live out my dream in real life. But I thought a little bit more about that dream and what it meant.
I believe that when we sleep at night, our brains are up to a lot more that we might think. It relaxes, which is why you get genius ideas as you nod off, and it reviews your experiences, your thoughts and stresses - so dreams do tell us something about our psyche and when we understand what we're worried about, we will encourage good dreams rather than bad ones.
So I thought I'd try to get to the bottom of this one. It's pretty simple - filling something up with the wrong thing, not the right thing. I think I'm the car and I'm in autopilot filling myself up. The danger of being on autopilot is that you do something wrong, and the wrong thing can be catastrophic.
What is the wrong thing, and what is the right thing? I am aware that it's now mid-February and I think I can count the number of times I have picked up my bible this year on one hand. If I'm not filling myself with God's love and affirmations on my life, what am I using in it's place?
I'm looking on social media, I'm reading books about murder and horror, I'm watching TV and films to the point of zombie-ism, and I'm playing addictive games on my phone. I recognise the bad things that are filling the void.
Now - in moderation, that list of bad things isn't so bad. It's like what you eat - if you only eat takeaways, junk food, and fizzy drinks, the result is going to be terrible. But if you eat well, treat yourself occasionally, get out and exercise, the result is going to be a far healthier individual. Then going further - cutting out the bad stuff entirely and not looking back, that has incredible results (though it's not for everyone).
It's like an alcoholic recognising their drinking habit isn't a habit anymore - it's gone from healthy to healthyish to probably should cut back to well I really do need it today, to everyday, to I can't wake up without it. Spotting that something is a problem is very real, and turning your life around from it is difficult,
I'm not saying an addiction to the things I listed above is perhaps as bad as alcohol addiction, but I am saying I'm recoginising it is having a negative effect on my life.
Fortunately, Lent is just round the corner.
Self-denial is the norm at Lent for both Christians and non-Christians alike. In the past, I've given up chocolate for the most part. One year I gave up meat (which for a committed meat eater like myself was particularly hard). This year, however, I'm going to give up games on my phone and online shopping.
I thought about giving up TV, but I live with my parents and they refused to get on board - their reasoning being that it's hard enough with coronavirus bringing you down, why make life so much harder on yourself? They told me I'd be on my own, which I wasn't so keen on. But we have introduced a TV free evening once a week, alternating board games night and reading night. We're all avid readers, but we don't make time to do it. We also all love a board game (well, not so much my dad, but he gives in and secretly enjoys himself sometimes). We've only been doing this for 2 weeks so far, but it's so nice to know that we'll spend at least 1 evening TV free, which is so much harder to do in the winter than in the summer.
I have also been trying to be consistent this year, and generate a routine for myself. It's not going well so far. I really wanted to nail a morning routine, but I'm such a terrible morning person, it's really not going well. The most important thing I wanted to include in my morning routine is reading my bible. So in addition to giving things up for Lent, I'm going to start reading my bible. And not only that - I'm going to share it on my Instagram. So if you would like to read along with me, follow me and I'll post to my stories daily.
It might have just been one small snippet of a dream, but I took the warning seriously. What do you fill yourself up with? Are you intentional with what you put into yourself, or have you switched to autopilot and you're not 100% sure anymore?
Back in January, I attended a vision board workshop hosted by Raindrops and Ribbons (details at the bottom of the page). I've wanted to vision board for a while now, but never really known where to start. The session was a great way to get stuck in and share ideas, and Michelle at Raindrops and Ribbons sent out some materials to get it started.
The session focused a lot on vibrational energies that we put out, and trying to vibrate at the energies of our goals. As someone of faith, I find that somewhat hard to reconcile - so instead, I created a vision board which would be the foundation of my prayer life.
However, I've not done anything with my board since I created it. Michelle said we should put them somewhere we see it every day, but I neglected to do that. I just left it where I made it - hidden away in our dining room we rarely use. So I'm going to tack it up on my wardrobe door, and start using it as my prayer points for everyday.
I have seen some ground gained in some of these areas (you can see my vision board below): I am working on uniting my brand with my Instagram and my blog - I've setup this site which has helped to zone in on what matters to me. I've been in contact with Manchester University and will be starting my application shortly. I've been exorcising some of the demon out of my Dolly - she can sit and lie down, and we're working on a few other commands.
I want to ensure that I'm including God in all these plans, and tying this in with my daily bible reading feels like a good decision: a starting point for my revived prayer life. I'll keep you updated on answers to prayer.
Raindrops and Ribbons can be found in the following places: